If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
