dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
