can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
tell me about the eggs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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