if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You ruined the universe
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize