dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
