I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
