i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize