I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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