He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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