you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
