I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
