Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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