I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize