You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
