this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
