If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
