New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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