If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
