Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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