Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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