just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize