you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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