Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
