dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
