Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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