I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
