Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
