you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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