We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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