I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
