is your mom at the bar?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
