Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
