my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
