what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
