Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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