I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
