he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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