What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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