Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you had me at cake vodka
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
