You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
