Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
