took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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