The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
