I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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