I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
