she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
