New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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