There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
