is your mom at the bar?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
