I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
