I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
