and you said cock pushups were impossible
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize