The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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