Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
