1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you didnt know i had herpes?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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