I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
