ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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