just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
