i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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