My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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