Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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