KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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