How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
