Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ketchup is God's man juice
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
