census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
