Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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