Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
