She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
