Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
